It is okay to not know the future

Every year, outgoing seniors on The Fuel staff write their Senior Column, a reflection on their four years in high school.

High school is very important when it comes to shaping who you become. I have known that since middle school and I took that information to heart.

Unfortunately, I pushed myself too hard and added extra problems to my plate. I made myself grow up too fast. And in the end, it mentally hurt me.

All throughout middle and high school, I have dealt with seasonal depression. Aside from homework and projects, I was dealing with serious personal issues. During school, it was easy to fake a smile. But when I came home, it all went downhill. Alongside my depression, I am dealing with constant stress, most of which was created from high school and the need to be on the top.

Even before high school started, I challenged myself to be the best in every class. I overworked myself for three years. When August 2018 rolled around, I was burnt out and ready to graduate. I lost all sense of motivation. Frankly, I did not care about receiving an ‘A’ in any of my classes. I was only concerned with graduating. This lack of care made my grades drop from ‘A’s and ‘B’s to ‘B’s and ‘C’s. My first three years of high school, I poured all my effort and dedication into school. And now, I simply do not have the willpower to push myself anymore.

During my freshman and sophomore year, I was so sure that I wanted to be a psychologist when I grew up. I pushed myself past my limit. In the end, I changed my career choice. I bounced from wanting to be a psychologist to wanting to start a business to being a journalist and now, I have decided to be a lawyer. My constant changing of careers scared me. I would have multiple breakdowns because I did not have a plan for the future.

It took me four years to realize that it is okay to not know the future.

After years of stressful days and thousands of tears being shed, I came to peace with that fact that I cannot have a plan for everything. I figured out that it is best to take everything day by day, no matter what your parents or teachers say. Don’t be too quick to grow up because your youth is a moment to cherish. And I regret having discovered that so late.