In recent years, there has been a shift in the dynamics of love and relationships in upcoming generations. This is, of course, natural, but is it natural enough to which it’s now not a problem?
There are many components that have led to the shift in societal standards and dynamics of love and relationships, some including: being in high school, mental and emotional health, the lack or presence of commitment and individuality, lust, technology and social media.
High School
Many of Gen Z have either graduated from high school or are on track to graduate within the next six years. During these times, puberty is in its prime, hormones begin to soar through the roof and people begin to develop into their bodies. In high school, a level of maturity is required to function properly, in which many think that this is the perfect time to start dating.
While it is rare to see high school relationships last too much longer after graduation, it’s not impossible, but is often a forgotten event, though it is something that really does happen. Yes, people do go through challenges in a relationship, but are you willing to overcome the challenges and move on? Or, will you let that thing break something that could last for generations?
Let’s take Mr. Ryan and Emily Jetter for example. The two have been high school sweethearts since January of 2006, and both claimed to have had little, to no challenges in their relationship from high school to now. Though they both would definitely agree that the biggest challenge that they did overcome was the difference in grades.
“We have been fortunate enough to not have had many challenges [knocks on wood] in our relationship. Our biggest problem in high school would probably be that we were in different grades. I graduated before he did and was doing college things while dating a high schooler. We didn’t do anything in particular to ‘overcome’ it, besides making sure to keep our communication open and honest,” explained Mrs. Jetter.
Mr. Jetter also comments on his experience on how the two overcame the grade gap that the two had to face within their relationship.
“Making time for each other in our busy schedule and communicating was how we ‘overcame’ that early on.” stated Mr. Jetter.
Communication plays a huge role in relationships, platonically and romantically. As stated above, one major reason that the Jetter’s have stayed together as long as they have, is the fact that they had open communication with each other.
This is something that not only has applied to their relationship, but also the relationship of high school students of today as well. But while communication is important, learning how to balance the demands of school, extracurriculars, and the relationship all in one can be challenging to some as well.
Senior, Darien Lemus, and junior, Anastacia Garza are prime examples of this realization. While being in different grades, they also both run Cross Country and Track, and are both in AP (Advanced Placement) classes.
At times, they do struggle with finding a way to balance it out, but they seem to be able to find a common ground within their life’s demands.
“Balancing school, extracurriculars, a job and the relationship all in one is really hard. We’re lucky enough that some of our interests are shared, so that helps us spend more time together, but I work a lot and I’m usually behind in school until the last second,” Lemus explained. “For a solid week or two straight, I don’t really get to see her outside of school, but in those times we both just are understanding of each other. When we’re busy it also makes doing everything else a lot easier, because we just want to see each other succeed.”
Garza had mutual feelings of their support that they have for each other when it was hectic for both of them.
“Individuality is very important in our relationship. Since we’re both runners, in APs, and different grades, we will be bound to have different lives and friends. It is important that we let each other do our thing and support each other. I had a hard time with this at first, but as one’s maturity grows, you learn to accept your partner, and understand that they are a person and individual as well,” explained Garza.
Commitment
Instant gratification is a huge factor in the way that we function as a society in today’s time. Instant gratification can refer to many things, whether that thing is intimacy (sex in this context), attention, shopping, food or anything that you can get your hands on instantly to satisfy a “need.” Everyone feels as though what they want is important and that they should receive it in the moment.
Though the problem doesn’t stem from the gratification that one receives; it stems from the lack of commitment that one should have in order to be at a higher level of maturity.
“Talking stages” are a result of the lack of commitment. A “talking stage” is when two people want to be in a relationship and want to be somewhat exclusive, but feel they don’t know enough about each other to be labeled “dating.”
Many people feel as though talking stages are unnecessary if they have an attraction and a desire to go further with someone.
“Talking stages are a sorry excuse for poor communication. Why would you start a relationship, by starting a relationship? Why can’t you just be friends with someone? I think the whole talking stage thing cannot be real, because you have to be friends with someone to even gain interest in them,” expressed Al Taleb.
“It’s not real. We’re together or we’re not. Simple,” simplified Judson alum, Trenyce Cook.
“Talking stages are to me kind of a label that’s super unnecessary. It’s more of just letting people know you’re exclusively talking to someone because you’re interested,” Lemus explained. “I feel like a lot of people just do that so they can subconsciously tell others to keep an eye on them or something. I just knew it was right and went with the moment.”
There has also been the norms of people being more willing to jump in bed with someone and risk becoming teen parents, rather than going through the ins and outs of a proper relationship, marriage, etc in the past few generations. With the rejection or modification of societal relationship norms in today’s time, it explains why some don’t get married at all, or would be considered “married in theory”, but in actuality, just “long-term” partners.
“I feel that they thrive off of instant gratification, and instead of actually taking the time to learn their partners. They’d rather hop from person to person, rather than building a relationship. I also feel like some people would rather be “long-term” girlfriend-boyfriend, over being husband and wife,” explained Cook.
Not only have the people within the younger generations noticed this trend of lack thereof, but also some individuals of the older generation have also noticed this too.
“I feel older generations could teach Gen Z’s [generation] about patience and commitment. The younger generation seems to place value in instant gratification in their relationships, and when that doesn’t work out, they are quick to an early exit, instead of trying to go through the ups and downs of relationships, as most of the older generations had to learn. I feel the older generations had to give more effort when it came to putting attention and emotions into relationships. Older generations planned dates, wrote love letters, and placed more emphasis on making someone feel special by acts of love,” explained one of Judson High School’s football coaches and teachers, Vincent Hernandez.
As stated before, a sense of communication and support is needed in relationships in order for it to be successful. Though there was a notice of the lack of empathy when commitment is involved, sophomore, Dana Al Taleb comments on why she thinks there is a deficiency of empaths in society today.
“Empathy is the biggest thing that people lack today, and that’s what cuts relationships so short, because the second something goes wrong, or the second that they disagree with whoever they’re dating, all hell breaks loose. It’s like people can’t have different opinions, or someone can’t be different without it being an issue, rather than uniqueness. Everybody wants to be the same and have the same thing as everyone in the media,” Al Taleb expressed.
Senior, Sebastian Del Barrio, has mixed opinions on what he thinks relationships are like in today’s generation.
“Now this isn’t everyone, but there are some [relationships] where everyone just wants a short relationship and that’s it. [They] go for another person; people just aren’t committed anymore to things like that again. But, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t any hope for a genuine long lasting relationship. There is still hope and a path to remedy it. This generation’s ‘cooked’, but only if you have the wrong partner. If you have one who is committed, and doesn’t want to focus on the worst, you got yourself a great long lasting one.”
Mental and Emotional Health
When being in a relationship, not only are you attached to the feelings of yourself, but you are also attached to the feelings of your significant other. Because of this, it is important to remain in a healthy mental and emotional state, so that toxicity doesn’t ruin your relationship.
These are some things that our generation can take pride in. With mental health being such a big deal in today’s time, for the most part, people tend to stay out of relationships out of force, or when we know that we aren’t the best, mentally and emotionally. Older generations also have seen to notice that dynamical change also.
“To me it seems Gen Z’s approach to love is often more flexible, communicative, and individualistic. It also seems that this generation emphasizes fluidity and inclusivity, and mental well-being, something that older generations may be unfamiliar with or had to learn to understand and incorporate as they became older adults,” Hernandez commented. “While I see this generation still placing a great deal of emphasis on emotional connections, I also see them being able to also prioritize self-growth and individuality.”
With that, individuality is also a big part of being mentally and emotionally healthy. To be overly dependent on your partner, while also expecting them to take care of their own needs can come from a place of selfishness. Learning that it’s okay to be by yourself is something that we as a collective need to learn, because without it, the dependency for someone causes the impurity within morals and sociological ideas. You won’t have your own way of thinking or living, and instead it would be the influence of your partners.
Seniors, Linh-Lynn Bui and Trent Molina, share how important individuality is in their relationship and how it works for them.
“I believe that individuality plays one of the most important roles in our relationship because it helps build our own ideals and goals and aspirations in life, other than in a relationship,” Molina stated.
“In my relationship, our individuality is super important since we are both our own people. Personal growth is something that we are both working on right now, but we try to help uphold each other a lot of the time,” Bui explained.
Technology and Social Media
In today’s age and community, social media has become a huge part of what and who we interact with. There are countless articles, scientific facts, and overall data on how it influences the way we function as people, and as a society. The thing with it all is that there are so many trends, standards, and think pieces that everyone feels the need to add their two-cents in.
This is where the problem arises.
Because of Gen-Z’s overconsumption problem with social media, people aren’t thinking for themselves anymore. Instead, they’re listening to the ideas and trends that everyone else seems to follow.
All of the: ‘If he doesn’t do this, then he isn’t a good boyfriend.’ or, ‘If she doesn’t do that, then you may need to focus on yourself bro.’ is what gets people every time. We forget that we are all different people who like and dislike different things.
“Too many people rely on social media to tell them how to be in a relationship, and are astonished when they find out real life is nothing like social media,” said Trenyce Cook.
Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but if you are not giving all of the context of a situation, it’s probably best to not comment on anything. We have to remind ourselves that we don’t see what goes on behind closed doors, and that we will only be subjected to what is shown to the public, which explains the “social media is fake” narrative.
“There’s a lot on the internet ranging from how a girl feels or how they should look, to how a guy only wants ‘one thing.’ But none of those things you see should matter when it comes to love. Sure, you can have preferences, but you shouldn’t base love on what you see happening. The internet has formed an ‘idea’ about what you should look like, have and be,” said junior, Tyerra Mckinnon.
Not only does social media’s “think pieces” get highly regarded in the choosing of a partner, but it also is in high regard when it comes to complications and challenges in a relationship. Granted, all healthy relationships go through their tough patches, but to be surrounded by the input of social media, friends, and anything other than your partner is where the problem arises.
“The biggest challenge our generation faces when maintaining relationships would probably have to be other people who aren’t even involved in the relationship, voicing their opinions and spreading things that don’t matter. Other people tend to voice these to the people in relationships and it ends up causing a lot of arguments, and often making it one versus the other, rather than both versus the problem,” Lemus explained.
Immature pet names have also been trending for a while now, but have really gotten popular within these past couple of years. Things like “pookie”, “lil/fine sh**”, “lil yea”, etc., have taken social media by a storm. But have we sat and thought about how degrading it is to actually refer to your significant other as that?
Using these words as a joke is one thing, but saying them, and being completely serious about it when saying it is a bit weird one would say, especially to the one you would deem to be in a close relationship with. There’s just an unspoken level of respect that should be granted when being in a relationship with someone, and names like that don’t meet the level.
Not only have the immature pet names taken over, but the materialism side of relationships have also begun to be more important than the relationship itself. Around the holidays and random times around the year, you see a surge of the swapping of “Burr Baskets,” “Boo Baskets,” flowers and other little gifts that help to make the person’s significant other feel special.
While there is 100% nothing wrong with participating in these acts, viewers, who also happen to be in relationships, will see this and will start to have insecurities rise up, and pressure their partner to participate in it also, causing stress to form for no reason.
“Today, everyone wants gift baskets, rose petals on the bed or to be posted on social media every week or anniversary. There’s so much emphasis on the physical gifts and physical aspects in a relationship, rather than the emotional connection.” explained Al Taleb.
Final Thoughts
We live in a world where love and relationship norms are constantly changing. One thing you can count on to stay the same is love though. You can fall out of love with someone, but still love them enough to have respect for them.
Don’t let social media, the instability of mental and emotional health, the lack of commitment, and education be the factors why you don’t find love. Be your own person, and let that guide you to make your own decisions.
“Love yourself first! Then be in love with life, and all that it has to offer in the good and bad. As you learn to do those things first, being able to give and receive love in a relationship comes with a blueprint, to what you, as well as the other person, can expect and can give in return. As in many other aspects of life, relationships and love will always have its good and bad but you have to be able to love in the overall sense of things. Love enough to know that in the good and the bad, in sickness and in health, that love overcomes all. To make it in this world you must first love yourself and your life, and along with that will come the ability to love another,” expressed Coach Hernandez
“Don’t compare yourself to others, especially on social media. That couple on instagram that looks happy most likely hates each other. Find a significant other that is also your best friend,” stated Mr. Jetter.