On the outside looking in, the dynamics of living in a large family may seem like a hectic torrent of emotions, yet Mohamed Abdi, a junior at Judson High school and third oldest of nine, dismantles his feelings of individual needs, hectic challenges and the responsibility of being an older sibling.
Living with a lot of siblings isn’t always smooth functioning. Abdi states one of the main challenges that takes place is, “when they don’t know how to pick up after themselves, eat and then don’t throw their trash away.”
His responsibilities include “dishes when I’m off work, and laundry days are mine when I come back from work. So I technically do dishes three out of seven days and laundry four out of seven days.”
During those tasks, Abdi feels he is the foundation of the family. This sentiment embodies the weight of his responsibilities, both big and small. Contributing to the smooth running of the household, Abdi’s commitment exemplifies his role as the eldest sibling.”I feel like I play the behind the scenes cleaner upper,” Abdi states.
Despite the chores, he takes initiative in areas where the rest lack, making sure that things get done. “I do things that nobody else bothers to do, like laundry at night so these fools have clothes to wear the next day, and I take the trash out when it’s night because they’re too scared.”
Being in a house full of siblings could be overwhelming, and every family has to find their own strategies to help those feelings. Abdi shares some strategies that he uses to handle overstimulation and stress. Abdi’s methods highlight the importance of self-awareness of finding ways to cope while managing stress. “I listen to my headphones, [un]til they get their act together, or I play basketball,” stated Abdi. These mechanisms help him regulate his emotions amidst the chaos.
“It [the understanding of money due to being in a large family] influenced me to learn how taxes work, and [gave me reasons as to] why I can’t have lots of personal things,” stated Abdi.
When asked about his understanding of money, Abdi demonstrated his awareness of the economic limitations of being in a family his size. When it comes to being in a large family, many financial aspects come into play: utilities, groceries and clothes.
“Me personally, I feel like I’m the one who gets more when things are distributed throughout my siblings… my mom tells them I’m older, so they understand sometimes,” Abdi explained. This sentiment shows deep awareness of his role as the eldest and the privileges that come with it.
In regard to a big families’ effect on education Abdi said, “I wouldn’t necessarily say any extracurriculars nor education would get affected [negatively] by my family. In fact, I would say it helps since my siblings are little and get out of school around 3-4 p.m., and sleep in the afternoon.” Abdi’s comments suggest that the impact of a large family on education can vary. The arrangement of after school activities and involvement of younger siblings in daily activities may play a role in education.
This challenges the common misconception that having a large family can make you miss out on opportunities. Instead, Abdi’s experience shows that while you can have a lot of siblings, when they’re occupied you can get things done.
While caring for his siblings, Abdi states, “I make sure they don’t fight, they fight a lot) and I try to teach them that doing good when no one is looking can help them in the long run.”
A piece of advice Abdi gives to anyone who wants a big family is “Don’t do it, they cost a lot. No matter how much attention you give to each child, the other is going to feel left out,” commented Abdi. Abdi’s advice is a key reminder of the financial requirements and well being of each child. It’s important to consider the financial and emotional needs when raising a large family. Each child needs attention and to feel valued, each child needs to feel loved and cared for. When having a large family, thinking about all of the responsibilities is crucial. Having a big family comes with more responsibilities and challenges, yet in the end that doesn’t change their love for one another.